If you’ve ever walked into a room and forgotten why you went there, misplaced your phone while holding it, or stared at a simple email and thought, I cannot deal with this right now, stress may be partly to blame.
Right now, I know this feeling all too well.
As many of you know, I recently lost my 33-year-old son, Michael, suddenly and tragically. I’m still very much in the middle of it. I’m not writing this from the other side of grief with a neat little bow tied around it. There is no bow.
I’ve been a researcher and pharmacist for decades and I’ve written hundreds of articles about cortisol, adrenaline, sleep, nutrients, and the nervous system. I knew that severe stress affected cognition. We all know that.
But knowing something and living it are two completely different things.
Like many of you who have been down this road, you know that things that should take five minutes sometimes take 30. You’ll put something down and can’t remember where. Sometimes you read the same paragraph three times. You talk with people but don’t remember what you said to them. You were just ‘there.’
And decisions! Even small ones can feel strangely exhausting. Let’s talk about how to think straight when you’re dealing with heavy stuff. 
If you’re grieving, caregiving, going through a divorce, dealing with a frightening diagnosis or living through some other traumatic period, you may recognize yourself here. And I want to help you. And me. Let’s get into it.
Your Brain Is Prioritizing Survival
The prefrontal cortex helps you concentrate, plan, make decisions and hold information temporarily in your mind. It’s basically the executive office of your brain.
Unfortunately, it’s also remarkably sensitive to stress.
A well-known review by Yale neuroscientist Amy Arnsten described how even relatively mild uncontrollable stress can rapidly impair prefrontal cortex function. Under high stress, increased catecholamine signaling – particularly norepinephrine and dopamine – can interfere with the neural networks responsible for working memory and higher-level thinking.
So when you’re thinking, ‘what is wrong with my brain?’, there is a very real physiological explanation.
Your brain hasn’t suddenly become stupid. It’s busy looking for the fire.
Cortisol Isn’t the Villain
We tend to talk about cortisol like it’s some terrible hormone we need to “lower.” I don’t think that’s accurate. I’ve talked about measuring cortisol patterns for years, including with dried urine testing such as the DUTCH TEST.
In fact, I’m doing one myself right now, partly because I’m curious to see what this extraordinary amount of stress looks like on paper.
You need cortisol.
During an emergency, cortisol and adrenaline help mobilize glucose, maintain blood pressure and keep you alert. That’s brilliant physiology when you’re facing immediate danger.
The problem is when the emergency doesn’t really end.
With prolonged emotional stress, the nervous system can remain on high alert. Sleep gets disrupted. Appetite changes. Muscles stay tense. Digestion can go sideways. Concentration becomes harder.
I’ve personally noticed that my brain can be exhausted even when my body hasn’t done very much.
That’s something I didn’t fully appreciate before. Here’s an article I wrote that may interest you, Mastering Cortisol: 5 Adaptogens to Help You Manage Stress.
Magnesium Is Worth Talking About
I’m not interested in turning grief into a supplement protocol. There isn’t a vitamin that makes losing someone you love okay.
But certain nutrients are relevant to normal nervous-system function, and magnesium is one of them. I’ve always taken one capsule at night before bed; now I’ve increased my dose to take some throughout the day… I’ll continue through this difficult time frame.
Magnesium helps support GABA, one of your brain’s natural calming chemicals, which is one reason magnesium is often associated with relaxation and sleep.
One randomized trial included 264 adults who had high stress scores (and low magnesium levels). It’s easy to have low mag, especially if you drink coffee, alcohol or take diuretics or acid blockers.
Anyway, participants received either 300 mg of magnesium daily or magnesium plus vitamin B6 for eight weeks. Stress scores improved substantially in both groups. Overall, adding B6 wasn’t significantly better than magnesium alone, although the subgroup with severe or extremely severe stress showed greater improvement with the combination.
I’m okay with just B6, but I’m a bigger fan of the whole entire B complex family because that’s how it exists in nature. They all work together. I have more about Bs down below.
Don’t turn that study into “magnesium treats grief.” It doesn’t.
Also, more isn’t necessarily better. As an example, many store-bought brands of magnesium can cause diarrhea, and people with significant kidney disease need to be particularly careful because magnesium will accumulate.
What About B Vitamins?
B vitamins become an easy target whenever someone feels stressed or exhausted. There’s some logic here because vitamins such as B6, B12 and folate participate in neurological function and neurotransmitter metabolism.
But I wouldn’t automatically reach for mega-doses, especially of one of the Bs in isolation (like just B6 or just folate).
If you’re barely eating because you’re grieving or stressed, your overall nutrition may be suffering. That’s when I’d first look at the basics: Are you eating protein? Vegetables? Fruit? Are you drinking enough water? Are you living on coffee and crackers?
I say this knowing full well how hard it can be to care about lunch when your world has just fallen apart. If you don’t want to eat, then skip a meal, or have a bite of a cracker or protein. You shouldn’t force food.
If fatigue or cognitive problems persist, it may also be reasonable to discuss testing B12, folate, thyroid function, iron status and other potential contributors with your healthcare provider rather than assuming everything is emotional.
Lavender Has More Research Than You Might Think
Lavender sounds almost too simple, but it actually has some interesting research behind it.
A 2023 meta-analysis looked at five randomized, placebo-controlled trials involving 1,213 adults with anxiety-related disorders. An oral standardized lavender-oil preparation called Silexan, given at 80 mg daily, performed significantly better than placebo for reducing anxiety symptoms after ten weeks.
That does not mean swallowing lavender essential oil from the bottle. Please don’t do that.
Silexan is a specific standardized oral preparation used in clinical research. Lavender aromatherapy as in essential oil (EO) is an entirely different intervention altogether, and has also been studied for anxiety and sleep. You could easily take a whiff of lavender from the essential oil bottle.
For picking yourself up, sniffing peppermint EO through the day could help a teeny bit.
Something as simple as a calming scent, tea, warm shower or quiet room, a good cry, or a hug from someone you’re close to will signal to your nervous system that the immediate emergency has passed, even when emotionally, it certainly hasn’t.
And Yes, Sometimes Medication Is Appropriate
Because I’m a pharmacist, I want to say this clearly: Natural doesn’t automatically mean better, and medication isn’t failure.
There are times when severe anxiety, panic, depression or prolonged insomnia deserves professional treatment.
Depending on the situation, a physician might discuss psychotherapy, an antidepressant, a short-term sleep medication or another treatment. The right choice depends on the person, other medications, medical conditions and how severe the symptoms are.
I would be particularly cautious about casually relying on alcohol or sedating medications just to shut everything off at night. When you’re exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed, it’s tempting. But sedation isn’t the same thing as restorative sleep, and some (okay, most!) medications cause dependence, fall risk and downregulation of GABA receptors. I don’t recommend them, and if I did, I’d say no more than one or two weeks at the lowest dose.
Talk with someone who knows your medical history.
The Boring Things Matter More Than I Thought
Here’s what I’m learning.
Drink water. Lots of it. Add electrolytes to your regimen.
Eat a little something with protein.
Go outside. Force yourself. 
Take a shower. Cry in it.
Walk around for ten minutes if you can, preferably around people.
Write important notes down because your memory is not cooperating at 100%.
Let people help you.
And sleep whenever your body wants to—whether it’s at 2 p.m. or midnight. Whenever it says ‘sleep,’ do so.
Audible a book that gives you peace or understanding.
Try to think of the fun times with your loved one, after all, you want to remember how they lived, not how they died.
None of this fixes grief.
For people like us, the nervous system is carrying an enormous load during trauma and loss. And when there’s a murder, legal proceedings, probate and other complications, it’s no longer just grief. There are layers upon layers to manage.
When Brain Fog Needs Medical Attention
Not every cognitive change should be blamed on grief or stress. I want you to become aware of the stronger signals that actually require immediate medical attention versus what I’m suggesting above. For example:
Sudden confusion, difficulty speaking, facial drooping, weakness on one side, loss of coordination, or a bad headache require immediate medical attention.
Blood pressure spikes.
Heart arrhythmias.
Likewise, overwhelming depression, panic attacks or thoughts about harming yourself to join your loved one – that’s when a professional should help you, not another supplement. Here’s the 988 LIFELINE.
I’m Giving My Brain a Little Grace
I’ve spent much of my career teaching you that the mind and body aren’t separate.
Stress affects digestion. Here’s an ARTICLE about the Gut-Brain Axis.
Sleep affects hormones. Read THIS.
Emotions affect heart rate and blood pressure. Nutritional status affects the brain.
I knew all of this before Michael died.
I just understand it differently now.
So if you’re going through something terrible and you can’t remember the password you’ve used for six years, or find your phone for the 10th time today, maybe don’t immediately conclude that you’ve lost your mind.
Write things down. Simplify your day. Feed yourself. Accept help. Ask for help.
Lower your bar for a little while. Take the win if you have a small milestone.
That’s what I’m trying to do. Some days I’m better at it than others.
Related Articles
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Suzy Cohen, RPh, has been a licensed pharmacist for over 30 years, blending conventional medicine with natural approaches to help people feel better and live healthier. She is the founder of Script Essentials, a supplement company known for targeted, custom-formulated products, some with patented innovations.
With a special focus on thyroid health, functional medicine, and drug-induced nutrient depletion (what she calls “drug muggers”), Suzy is the author of several books including Thyroid Healthy, Drug Muggers, and Diabetes Without Drugs. She also writes a nationally syndicated health column and shares practical, easy-to-understand guidance with readers around the world.
