I’m 61 years old, a pharmacist, and I can hardly tell whether people are discussing a health condition, a cryptocurrency, or a Wi-Fi network.
Back in my day — and yes, I’m absolutely going to say back in my day — when your doctor wanted to know how you were feeling, he asked you. With words. Full words. Not initials.
You’d say, “My knee hurts,” or “I’ve been tired lately,” and that was the entire conversation. Nobody said: “Your BP, HRV, LDL, A1C, and TSH are concerning.”
Now every medical appointment sounds like I’m being hacked by a Wi-Fi router.
And listen, I’m a pharmacist. I actually know what these abbreviations mean. Most of the time.
But at this point even I need chatgpt + decoder ring for all this alphabet soup.
OMG. Somewhere along the way, the entire English language got put on Ozempic and lost half its words. 
The other day someone asked if I had uploaded something “to the cloud.” Excuse me?
When I was a kid, the cloud was in the SKY. It floated over my house and occasionally looked like a bunny rabbit. We didn’t upload tax returns into it.
Amazon used to be a rainforest we were trying to save.
Now it’s where I order cat toys at midnight and magnesium at 2 am.
Today, the cloud stores your photos, PDFs, passwords, banking info, your memories, and I’m pretty sure your soul.
Don’t even get me started on AI.
I tested AI for a health column and halfway through it said, “Your body deserves optimal nourishment.”
(You know what… my body deserves for you to stop talking like a scented candle.)
Alphabet Soup is Everywhere!
My niece texted me:
“NGL, IDK why but that pic gave me major FOMO. IYKYK.”
I stared at the phone like it was a ransom note.😂
For those of you over 50:
- NGL = Not Gonna Lie
- IDK = I Don’t Know
- FOMO = Fear Of Missing Out
- IYKYK = If You Know, You Know
Apparently, entire conversations are now conducted in initials because actual words became too inconvenient for the young ones. So did pants. Nowadays, pajamas are acceptable outdoor attire.
At this point, some people communicate entirely in emojis. I got a text that was just: 💀🔥😂
I’m still don’t know if someone died or dinner was excellent.
We used to say we were “up for that.” Now everyone is “down.”
And somewhere along the way, “sick” started meaning awesome, which feels medically irresponsible to me.
Meanwhile, in medicine, we’ve created enough abbreviations to qualify as a secret government agency.
Your PCP checks your CBC, CMP, TSH, T4, HDL, LDL, LpA and A1c.
Honestly, half my medical chart looks like someone leaned on a keyboard.
By the end of any given appointment, I half expect the PA to ask for my PIN number, and TSA PreCheck status. And yes, I realize “PIN number” is technically redundant. But honestly I’ve given up.
All the new PCPs suggest HIIT workouts. Really?!
HIIT –> That stands for High-Intensity Interval Training, which translates to: sprint, regret, repeat.
And the mental health abbreviations? We have those too.
At this point, half of modern healthcare sounds like someone lost a game of Wheel of Fortune.
To be fair, we diagnose ourselves earlier with all these open discussions about health. People in our world have learned about HRT, REM, IBS, STIs, AFib, PMS, and ED in ways my parents’ generation never did. Looking back at that list, they probably didn’t want to. 
FYI, I love that the youth talk more openly about their issues… I just need them to finish the actual words. IDK when, but somewhere along the way, we replaced entire convos with alphabet soup.
Meanwhile, my father (who lived to 94) tracked his health using one advanced medical metric: Do I feel okay today?
Honestly? There’s something beautiful about that simplicity.
I’ll stop here because I should go check my BP, take my D3 and HRT, upload something to the cloud for my CPA, and try to get 8 hours sleep so my Apple watch doesn’t shame me tomorrow morning.
LOL. (That one I know).
Suzy Cohen, RPh, has been a licensed pharmacist for over 30 years, blending conventional medicine with natural approaches to help people feel better and live healthier. She is the founder of Script Essentials, a supplement company known for targeted, custom-formulated products, some with patented innovations.
With a special focus on thyroid health, functional medicine, and drug-induced nutrient depletion (what she calls “drug muggers”), Suzy is the author of several books including Thyroid Healthy, Drug Muggers, and Diabetes Without Drugs. She also writes a nationally syndicated health column and shares practical, easy-to-understand guidance with readers around the world.
